Aaj Jaane Ki Zid Na Karo
It was around twilight, the breeze outside brought a slight freshness and the saffron light dimmed a little, just enough for me to see her beautiful face. Her head was resting on my lap while my fingers wandered through her hair. My eyes and my mind fixated on this majestic being when a familiar song began playing on my laptop which distracted me a bit. Of all the music that had played in my playlist which was very cheesily named after her, this was the one song which diverted my attention. The voice of Farida Khanum oozed out of the speakers with a grace which only the one resting on my lap could match.
"आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो.. यूंही पहलु में बैठे रहो ।"
"आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो.. यूंही पहलु में बैठे रहो ।"
(Don't insist on leaving today, just sit by my side)
The song had played quite often and I had heard it many times but that day I really listened. The words went through me like a sniper bullet. I could not have described how I was feeling at that moment any better. My minimal attention to the song gradually increased and then the next line hit me like a bazooka.
I just looked at her and everything just began feeling surreal to the point where I actually had to change the song before I was a martyr in that war. I couldn't take the honesty that the singers' distressingly beautiful voice was delivering. Not exaggerating but this god sent gift resting on my lap meant that much to me. She was to me what alcohol is to a drunkard, food to a famished beggar or every passing moment to a person on his death bed. Invaluable and immeasurable. I would have withered away if she had left me at that very moment. It is natural to think that no girl can be SO special or divine (judging by my description). Trust me, she wasn't your ordinary next door girl. What was she? She was my passion. She was the warmth of a careless stroll on a breezy beach, an assurance conveyed through the mere holding of hands, she was made of stuff people write novels about. She was either a figment of my imagination or a shipment of all my desires... and she was right there, an angel immortal in my heart wholly in love with a mere mortal.
It was around twilight, the breeze outside brought a slight dampness and the light completely disappeared. I was alone, sitting in my room, both fists clenched, my laptop playing music (perpetually) when a haunting tune diverted my attention. This time, Farida Khanum's voice cut me like a sharp knife. It felt like a slow, excruciating death. Life, really is a matter of perspective. It was the very same song yet I subconsciously ignored the first two stanzas and my ears opened up to the following heart wrenching lines.
"तुम ही सोचो जरा, क्यों न रोके तुम्हे, जान जाती है जब उठके जाते हो तुम।
My brain went into a flashback as the music continued in the background. A secluded lane, I was alone, sitting on my bike, both fists clenched. These same fists clenched a different hand about half an hour back in an desperate attempt to stop her from leaving. A wave of air hit my chin as she forcefully released herself from my grip. I was so distraught that I skipped the crying in sorrow step and went directly to sadness. An angel stays in the hands of a mortal only until she realizes what she is and what she's worth. Suddenly, the person she could not live without became someone she could not live with. Amidst the high frequency note playing in my head I could barely manage to capture a few phrases like 'Not good enough' and 'Such a burden on me'. She had angrily questioned me," Give me one reason, one good reason why I should be with you any longer." My parched throat disabled me from saying anything. What could I have said anyway? It was then that it dawned upon me. This was it. How I wish I could have recited the lines I was listening to. Would that have stopped her? Maybe. Maybe not. One thing I knew for certain was that being 'strong' for the world had harvested quite a few tears till that day and I was forced into ending the drought by a desolate harmony of voice and lyrics. I cried like a little baby that evening and then still managed to attend a family get-together like a man an hour later.
It was around twilight. The breeze was just very normal and the light did not seem special but somehow it felt satisfying. I was sitting by the beach, alone and content in my own company when my earphones played a tune I had been avoiding since experiencing an emotional roller coaster the last time I heard it. It was her again, Farida Khanum, doing what she did best and that is help me discover a new emotion within myself.
"वक्त की कैद में ज़िन्दगी है मगर , चंद घड़ियाँ यही है जो आज़ाद है।
These lines radiate positivity like few others do and yet the crestfallen tone in which they were sung balanced it out. I discovered the blandness in neutrality on that particular day. Having felt extremes of euphoria and misery due to the very same song I was unaffected emotionally by these particular lines. A see-saw when stuck in the middle due to equally balancing weights is no fun, it's the ups and downs which make a see-saw a fun thing to experience.. just like life. Also, a see-saw is no fun when the seat opposite you is empty, exactly like life. It's the topsy turvy, indefinite and inconsistent curve of life which is the difference between merely living and being alive. Our reaction to different opinions, different personalities, different tastes makes us the unique individual that we are. It was through a song that I finally learnt how it feels to be a joyous man on top of the world or in the bottom of the deepest trenches depressed to no extent or trudging through mediocrity somewhere in the middle. Emotional extremism probably.
It is twilight right now. The breeze is just perfect and the light has never been prettier. I find myself humming a tune which has been more than a tune to me, it has been a teacher, it has helped me to emote and introspect. I have just one thing to say to the song which makes me feel alive every time I listen to it...
"हाये मर जाएँगे , हम तो लुट जाएँगे।
ऐसी बाते किया ना करो।
आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो। "
(Ah! I will die, I will be broken.. Please don't talk so. Don't insist on leaving today)
I just looked at her and everything just began feeling surreal to the point where I actually had to change the song before I was a martyr in that war. I couldn't take the honesty that the singers' distressingly beautiful voice was delivering. Not exaggerating but this god sent gift resting on my lap meant that much to me. She was to me what alcohol is to a drunkard, food to a famished beggar or every passing moment to a person on his death bed. Invaluable and immeasurable. I would have withered away if she had left me at that very moment. It is natural to think that no girl can be SO special or divine (judging by my description). Trust me, she wasn't your ordinary next door girl. What was she? She was my passion. She was the warmth of a careless stroll on a breezy beach, an assurance conveyed through the mere holding of hands, she was made of stuff people write novels about. She was either a figment of my imagination or a shipment of all my desires... and she was right there, an angel immortal in my heart wholly in love with a mere mortal.
It was around twilight, the breeze outside brought a slight dampness and the light completely disappeared. I was alone, sitting in my room, both fists clenched, my laptop playing music (perpetually) when a haunting tune diverted my attention. This time, Farida Khanum's voice cut me like a sharp knife. It felt like a slow, excruciating death. Life, really is a matter of perspective. It was the very same song yet I subconsciously ignored the first two stanzas and my ears opened up to the following heart wrenching lines.
"तुम ही सोचो जरा, क्यों न रोके तुम्हे, जान जाती है जब उठके जाते हो तुम।
तुमको अपनी कसम जाने जान, बात इतनी मेरी मान लो।
आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो। "
(You give it a thought, why shouldn't I stop you from leaving? A part of me leaves with you. I swear on my own life, my love, please accept this little request of mine. Don't insist on leaving today)
My brain went into a flashback as the music continued in the background. A secluded lane, I was alone, sitting on my bike, both fists clenched. These same fists clenched a different hand about half an hour back in an desperate attempt to stop her from leaving. A wave of air hit my chin as she forcefully released herself from my grip. I was so distraught that I skipped the crying in sorrow step and went directly to sadness. An angel stays in the hands of a mortal only until she realizes what she is and what she's worth. Suddenly, the person she could not live without became someone she could not live with. Amidst the high frequency note playing in my head I could barely manage to capture a few phrases like 'Not good enough' and 'Such a burden on me'. She had angrily questioned me," Give me one reason, one good reason why I should be with you any longer." My parched throat disabled me from saying anything. What could I have said anyway? It was then that it dawned upon me. This was it. How I wish I could have recited the lines I was listening to. Would that have stopped her? Maybe. Maybe not. One thing I knew for certain was that being 'strong' for the world had harvested quite a few tears till that day and I was forced into ending the drought by a desolate harmony of voice and lyrics. I cried like a little baby that evening and then still managed to attend a family get-together like a man an hour later.
"वक्त की कैद में ज़िन्दगी है मगर , चंद घड़ियाँ यही है जो आज़ाद है।
इनको खो कर मेरी जाने जान , उम्र भर ना तरसते रहो।
आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो। "
(Life is trapped in the prison of time, these are the only moments that we have which are free. By losing them now, my love, don't live in regret. Don't insist on leaving today)
These lines radiate positivity like few others do and yet the crestfallen tone in which they were sung balanced it out. I discovered the blandness in neutrality on that particular day. Having felt extremes of euphoria and misery due to the very same song I was unaffected emotionally by these particular lines. A see-saw when stuck in the middle due to equally balancing weights is no fun, it's the ups and downs which make a see-saw a fun thing to experience.. just like life. Also, a see-saw is no fun when the seat opposite you is empty, exactly like life. It's the topsy turvy, indefinite and inconsistent curve of life which is the difference between merely living and being alive. Our reaction to different opinions, different personalities, different tastes makes us the unique individual that we are. It was through a song that I finally learnt how it feels to be a joyous man on top of the world or in the bottom of the deepest trenches depressed to no extent or trudging through mediocrity somewhere in the middle. Emotional extremism probably.
It is twilight right now. The breeze is just perfect and the light has never been prettier. I find myself humming a tune which has been more than a tune to me, it has been a teacher, it has helped me to emote and introspect. I have just one thing to say to the song which makes me feel alive every time I listen to it...
"यूंही पहलु में बैठे रहो , आज जाने की ज़िद ना करो।"
(Just sit by my side, Don't insist on leaving today)
WOW....
ReplyDeleteIt is great to witness your discoveries and the wonderful way you have of sharing them with us!
ReplyDeleteIts more than just words ...How beautifully you have been successful to express what it feels to drown and rise again ! Cudos
ReplyDelete