Traces of You.
She adjusted her wooden seat so that the canvas was at a perfect distance for her. The live model took his place about 20 feet away and sat still to be sketched onto the white paper in front of the artist who had persuaded him with a lot of effort to be in the situation that he found himself in.
"Right. Finally I get to practice my live model painting", she told herself.
Her hands gripped the brush and the strokes started coming naturally as she peeked beyond the canvas to look at her impatient subject from time to time. Even though her palms followed a certain suit, the mind started wandering away to a place of its own. Soon, actions and thoughts parted ways.
"Ah! How you have missed getting time for yourself and your work. It was a tough decision, but it
certainly feels like the right one for you. Finally you're finding yourself happy and content with how life is panning out after so many months of uncertainty and self-doubt. Now, you can think only for your own self and not worry about how someone else is going to feel because of your actions and neither be bothered about your emotions depending on someone else's actions. This is the freedom you were blind towards for so long. Why were you suffocating for so long?! Love? Hah. Uncertainty, self-doubt, dependence, suffocation... all stemming from one single silly emotion they call love. 4 years! How did it take you 4 years to realize what your parents and closest friends had been screaming at your face all this while? I guess you were just naive to the entire concept of affection. It's not every day that a boy tells you that you're the best thing in the world or that you mean the world to him. I wish I could tell that 18 year old girl to stop falling for sweet talk that this fellow must have said to at least 5 other girls by then. On the other hand, I don't really blame her either. Which girl in her right mind would not want to be swept off her feet by a boy who had jet-black curly hair, the complexion of a baby, light piercing golden-brown eyes, a distinct nose that fit perfectly just above a pair of uniquely shaped dark pink lips and a jawline that tapered like the edge of a sword into a stubbled chin. He would have been a fleeting presence in your life if he just looked the way he did and his words did not match his looks but unfortunately (or fortunately), they did.", the little voice in her brain said in the background.
At this point she remembered the kind of smooth talk she had fallen head over heels for and smirked or rather scoffed at herself for being so utterly stupid. Composing herself, she took another look at her model and continued giving life to the bland white paper placed before her eyes.
"There was something about him though... something which made you give another human being more importance than yourself. He's probably one of the worst singers in the world but when he hummed some tunes which were special to both of you, your eyes couldn't help but well up. Remember his flaxen eyes looking at you like you were the most unique thing he'd ever seen? Do you remember that time he said that even Mona Lisa would seem ordinary in front of you only because she can be painted or recorded? I don't think anyone else in this world is going to tell you that you're so amazing that no mortal can replicate you on any surface... All this said, there's something more important which you realized recently that's more important than appearance and dramatic expressions; actions. This is where he lost you... right?"
She warped back into a vortex at this thought. It reminded her of many tear-drenched pillows, sleepless nights and foul thoughts which she had battled through to get to a point where there was no looking back. After a brief recollection of her thoughts, she was back to doing what she loved the most.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be taking you to places you do not want to revisit but it's just natural for anyone to feel this way. Anyway, he lost you by his own actions and just like you thought that this boy coming into your life was exciting, him leaving your life is the same, isn't it? Well, obviously he holds a special place in your heart but all the talks that you had with each other about marriage and being together for eternity was all tossed in the bin the moment he started taking you for granted. Even I was surprised when you started changing yourself to be something that he approved of or something that he wanted. He's different and you're different. I'm glad you have now come to terms with it and aren't worrying about being good enough for anyone else anymore. You have your family, your friends which you almost sacrificed for him, your work which you're paying 100% attention to and getting the a positive output from and lastly, you have your self. Altered but intact. That, for me, is the most important thing. Screw him for trying to change you, screw him for all the crap that he put you through, screw him for not giving you what you deserved and finally screw him for not being worthy of you. You're done with him."
Her hand was working at a majestic speed by now. Her strokes were fierce and fast, bold and beautiful, rich and radiant! Whipping her brush to conclude the portrait, she gazed at her work with pride. Patiently waiting behind the canvas was her model... She glanced upwards at him and her throat went dry the moment she saw the painting she'd made.
She had painted a boy with jet-black curly hair, complexion of a baby, light piercing golden-brown eyes, a distinct nose, a pair of uniquely shaped dark pink lips and a jawline that tapered like the edge of a sword into a stubbled chin.
Her 'model' had none of those features.
"Right. Finally I get to practice my live model painting", she told herself.
Her hands gripped the brush and the strokes started coming naturally as she peeked beyond the canvas to look at her impatient subject from time to time. Even though her palms followed a certain suit, the mind started wandering away to a place of its own. Soon, actions and thoughts parted ways.
"Ah! How you have missed getting time for yourself and your work. It was a tough decision, but it
certainly feels like the right one for you. Finally you're finding yourself happy and content with how life is panning out after so many months of uncertainty and self-doubt. Now, you can think only for your own self and not worry about how someone else is going to feel because of your actions and neither be bothered about your emotions depending on someone else's actions. This is the freedom you were blind towards for so long. Why were you suffocating for so long?! Love? Hah. Uncertainty, self-doubt, dependence, suffocation... all stemming from one single silly emotion they call love. 4 years! How did it take you 4 years to realize what your parents and closest friends had been screaming at your face all this while? I guess you were just naive to the entire concept of affection. It's not every day that a boy tells you that you're the best thing in the world or that you mean the world to him. I wish I could tell that 18 year old girl to stop falling for sweet talk that this fellow must have said to at least 5 other girls by then. On the other hand, I don't really blame her either. Which girl in her right mind would not want to be swept off her feet by a boy who had jet-black curly hair, the complexion of a baby, light piercing golden-brown eyes, a distinct nose that fit perfectly just above a pair of uniquely shaped dark pink lips and a jawline that tapered like the edge of a sword into a stubbled chin. He would have been a fleeting presence in your life if he just looked the way he did and his words did not match his looks but unfortunately (or fortunately), they did.", the little voice in her brain said in the background.At this point she remembered the kind of smooth talk she had fallen head over heels for and smirked or rather scoffed at herself for being so utterly stupid. Composing herself, she took another look at her model and continued giving life to the bland white paper placed before her eyes.
"There was something about him though... something which made you give another human being more importance than yourself. He's probably one of the worst singers in the world but when he hummed some tunes which were special to both of you, your eyes couldn't help but well up. Remember his flaxen eyes looking at you like you were the most unique thing he'd ever seen? Do you remember that time he said that even Mona Lisa would seem ordinary in front of you only because she can be painted or recorded? I don't think anyone else in this world is going to tell you that you're so amazing that no mortal can replicate you on any surface... All this said, there's something more important which you realized recently that's more important than appearance and dramatic expressions; actions. This is where he lost you... right?"
She warped back into a vortex at this thought. It reminded her of many tear-drenched pillows, sleepless nights and foul thoughts which she had battled through to get to a point where there was no looking back. After a brief recollection of her thoughts, she was back to doing what she loved the most.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be taking you to places you do not want to revisit but it's just natural for anyone to feel this way. Anyway, he lost you by his own actions and just like you thought that this boy coming into your life was exciting, him leaving your life is the same, isn't it? Well, obviously he holds a special place in your heart but all the talks that you had with each other about marriage and being together for eternity was all tossed in the bin the moment he started taking you for granted. Even I was surprised when you started changing yourself to be something that he approved of or something that he wanted. He's different and you're different. I'm glad you have now come to terms with it and aren't worrying about being good enough for anyone else anymore. You have your family, your friends which you almost sacrificed for him, your work which you're paying 100% attention to and getting the a positive output from and lastly, you have your self. Altered but intact. That, for me, is the most important thing. Screw him for trying to change you, screw him for all the crap that he put you through, screw him for not giving you what you deserved and finally screw him for not being worthy of you. You're done with him."
Her hand was working at a majestic speed by now. Her strokes were fierce and fast, bold and beautiful, rich and radiant! Whipping her brush to conclude the portrait, she gazed at her work with pride. Patiently waiting behind the canvas was her model... She glanced upwards at him and her throat went dry the moment she saw the painting she'd made.
She had painted a boy with jet-black curly hair, complexion of a baby, light piercing golden-brown eyes, a distinct nose, a pair of uniquely shaped dark pink lips and a jawline that tapered like the edge of a sword into a stubbled chin.
Her 'model' had none of those features.
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