Lullabye.
It started with the fulfillment of a life long wish, the day he was born. Our creation. The 9 months prior to that day were a hormonal and in turn an emotional roller coaster... hormonal solely for me and emotionally for everyone else around. After a lot of screaming and shouting, the roller coaster finally came to a halt at the end of a rainbow. And there he was, my pot of gold. My little leprechaun with tiny clenched fists. The doctor snipped the cord and that was the very first time, my little boy was separated from me(literally). I suddenly realised that my life resume had the addition of a new role: Mother.
We'd just evolved from an order of 1 by 2 soup to an order of 3 by 2. The three of us living together in a small yet cosy 2 BHK apartment. My husband was the sole bread winner of the house at that time and although it wasn't exactly a hand to mouth existence, it was tough. Sacrifices had to be made, tough decisions had to be taken, responsibilities multiplied, yet we weren't complaining. Our chubby bundle of joy made everything worth the effort. However, as he went from wobbly baby steps to incessant running around the house we knew that his education wasn't going to come cheap. One fine day, my husband comes home and says to me, "I have good news and bad news". I knew right away that the bad outweighed the good since he wasn't one to follow cliches and since he was resorting to one, it couldn't be the best of things.
"Good first, bad later", I said.
"I've been offered a promotion", he said in a tone like he'd been sentenced to death row. "They want to send me to another city permanently".
"Okay", was the only reply I could think, since I was trying to segregate my jumbled emotions.
We sat down that night and discussed everything, the pros and cons, the finances, what effect it would have on our child etc. and finally decided that he accept the promotion but our boy and I stay here. It was the toughest decision we had had to make till that point of our married life. So... just like that, a permanent member of the household became visiting faculty. Well, he did come home whenever he could but there's a vast difference between being there and really being there, if that makes any sense. Oh, well. I took it on the chin, I had to. My boy needed me more than ever now. I realised my life resume had the addition of a new role again : Father.
We were doing just fine. My husband received another promotion which meant more travelling but also more holidays and free time. My son was in primary school (School, I gradually is more for the mother than it is for the child.) and I had found myself a job to keep me busy. Ah! One gets used to everything sooner or later anyways. Acceptance is the key to any problem and all three of us had found that key. Society, I found, plays games though. Social functions meant unnecessary questions and unwarranted judgments. A jolly face and short yet polite answers make them seem fickle though.
"How is your hubby doing?"
"Where is he now?"
"How old is your son now?"
"Which class is he studying in?"
"It's really commendable how he manages to do so well even in the absence of a father"
"He has taken so much from his father"
and the list goes on....
Secondary school passed by in a flash, or it certainly seemed so, amidst his failed relationship, (which the naive boy thought was the end of the world) exam stress along with my sore throat, his sports and music lessons. My tiny leprechaun walked out of his school looking like a dapper gentleman in a suit. Easily, the most handsome looking boy in the school... or maybe it's just my highly biased judgement. Who knows. His boards result meant socializing even more and there we were again, standing in front of people who asked similar questions time and again.
"How is your hubby doing?"
"Where is he now?"
"What higher education is he going to pursue?"
"Do you plan on sending him abroad?"
"He has taken so much from his father"
A smile and a few short answers later, we were always on our way back home.
Now, is probably the toughest time. My tiny leprechaun is off to college... That's the thing about kids, isn't it? They leave.
You take care of them, you raise them up, you give them everything you can give... basically you live for them and then? Then they just leave. Yes, as a parent, as a mother I cannot always keep him by my side. I have to let him go because I love him more than I love myself. My tiny little leprechaun has to find his own end of the rainbow, his own pot of gold. Him leaving doesn't hurt me, nope. My husband is home more often now and that's assuring. But, you know, there are times when I look around our 'soup' and a strange feeling suddenly grasps me. It's not a 1 by 2 or a 2 by 3 anymore. Just 1 bowl of soup, with one spoon.
Social functions are a solo excursion now and yet the questions remain the same. I don't let anyone decipher it but behind the smile and the short answers stands a woman, who is hurting every time you mention them because she misses them so much. Sometimes I just want to look them in the eye and ask them, "What about me? Have you ever considered asking something about me?" I find it so strange how people ask a mother about her husband and child more than they enquire about her well-being. But no, I'm better than that. Stronger than that. Being a mother is a tough job. Probably the toughest job that exists... As a mother, you have to be selfless and non-complaining and hardworking and caring and loving and keep your sanity at the same time so that everyone else in the family remains sane. Being a mother is beyond 'wanting' or 'having' to do things... it's beyond care and love. You know you're a mother when you become the second or third most important person in your own life.
The doctor may have snipped the umbilical cord between my son and I the day he was born but a bond which a mother and her child share is too tough to be 'snipped'. I believe we're still attached just like we had been 9 months prior to anybody even seeing him. It's those 9 months which have kept me going for the past 18 years and shall keep me going till the day God doesn't snip my cord.
We'd just evolved from an order of 1 by 2 soup to an order of 3 by 2. The three of us living together in a small yet cosy 2 BHK apartment. My husband was the sole bread winner of the house at that time and although it wasn't exactly a hand to mouth existence, it was tough. Sacrifices had to be made, tough decisions had to be taken, responsibilities multiplied, yet we weren't complaining. Our chubby bundle of joy made everything worth the effort. However, as he went from wobbly baby steps to incessant running around the house we knew that his education wasn't going to come cheap. One fine day, my husband comes home and says to me, "I have good news and bad news". I knew right away that the bad outweighed the good since he wasn't one to follow cliches and since he was resorting to one, it couldn't be the best of things."Good first, bad later", I said.
"I've been offered a promotion", he said in a tone like he'd been sentenced to death row. "They want to send me to another city permanently".
"Okay", was the only reply I could think, since I was trying to segregate my jumbled emotions.
We sat down that night and discussed everything, the pros and cons, the finances, what effect it would have on our child etc. and finally decided that he accept the promotion but our boy and I stay here. It was the toughest decision we had had to make till that point of our married life. So... just like that, a permanent member of the household became visiting faculty. Well, he did come home whenever he could but there's a vast difference between being there and really being there, if that makes any sense. Oh, well. I took it on the chin, I had to. My boy needed me more than ever now. I realised my life resume had the addition of a new role again : Father.
We were doing just fine. My husband received another promotion which meant more travelling but also more holidays and free time. My son was in primary school (School, I gradually is more for the mother than it is for the child.) and I had found myself a job to keep me busy. Ah! One gets used to everything sooner or later anyways. Acceptance is the key to any problem and all three of us had found that key. Society, I found, plays games though. Social functions meant unnecessary questions and unwarranted judgments. A jolly face and short yet polite answers make them seem fickle though.
"How is your hubby doing?"
"Where is he now?"
"How old is your son now?"
"Which class is he studying in?"
"It's really commendable how he manages to do so well even in the absence of a father"
"He has taken so much from his father"
and the list goes on....
Secondary school passed by in a flash, or it certainly seemed so, amidst his failed relationship, (which the naive boy thought was the end of the world) exam stress along with my sore throat, his sports and music lessons. My tiny leprechaun walked out of his school looking like a dapper gentleman in a suit. Easily, the most handsome looking boy in the school... or maybe it's just my highly biased judgement. Who knows. His boards result meant socializing even more and there we were again, standing in front of people who asked similar questions time and again.
"How is your hubby doing?"
"Where is he now?"
"What higher education is he going to pursue?"
"Do you plan on sending him abroad?"
"He has taken so much from his father"
A smile and a few short answers later, we were always on our way back home.
Now, is probably the toughest time. My tiny leprechaun is off to college... That's the thing about kids, isn't it? They leave.
You take care of them, you raise them up, you give them everything you can give... basically you live for them and then? Then they just leave. Yes, as a parent, as a mother I cannot always keep him by my side. I have to let him go because I love him more than I love myself. My tiny little leprechaun has to find his own end of the rainbow, his own pot of gold. Him leaving doesn't hurt me, nope. My husband is home more often now and that's assuring. But, you know, there are times when I look around our 'soup' and a strange feeling suddenly grasps me. It's not a 1 by 2 or a 2 by 3 anymore. Just 1 bowl of soup, with one spoon.
Social functions are a solo excursion now and yet the questions remain the same. I don't let anyone decipher it but behind the smile and the short answers stands a woman, who is hurting every time you mention them because she misses them so much. Sometimes I just want to look them in the eye and ask them, "What about me? Have you ever considered asking something about me?" I find it so strange how people ask a mother about her husband and child more than they enquire about her well-being. But no, I'm better than that. Stronger than that. Being a mother is a tough job. Probably the toughest job that exists... As a mother, you have to be selfless and non-complaining and hardworking and caring and loving and keep your sanity at the same time so that everyone else in the family remains sane. Being a mother is beyond 'wanting' or 'having' to do things... it's beyond care and love. You know you're a mother when you become the second or third most important person in your own life.The doctor may have snipped the umbilical cord between my son and I the day he was born but a bond which a mother and her child share is too tough to be 'snipped'. I believe we're still attached just like we had been 9 months prior to anybody even seeing him. It's those 9 months which have kept me going for the past 18 years and shall keep me going till the day God doesn't snip my cord.
Too good :)
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