Charukeshi

"ती गेली  तेव्हा  रिमझिम पाऊस निनादत होता 

मेघांत अडकली किरणें हा सूर्य सोडवित होता"

(The rain slowly drizzled the day she left;
As the sun weaved its rays amidst the clouds) 

The raindrops fell like tiny crystals being showered by the richest jeweller in the universe. The thunder occasionally threatened a harsher downpour but seemed content simply in making his presence felt. My window was the perfect theatre. I could hear the raindrops pattering on the sloped roof as their confluence hastily trickled down, only to seep into the red soil of our front yard. The perfectly centred basil swayed in the breeze and seemed to be enjoying her natural bath. Warmish soil, pacified by the cool drops of water, emitted an alleviating fragrance to add another dimension into an already picturesque portrait. Not wanting to be left out from this masterpiece was the Sun. Despite having to leave, he constantly tried to peep in from whatever gaps the clouds left him with a staunch determination to be a part of the drama. The orangish pink hue lit up the entire sky while the colourless water darkened the red soil moistening the green basil that danced in the soft wind.

Besides this natural beauty, there was a man-made beauty, indoors, adding final touches to herself. I could see her reflection in the mirror as she ensured that her big red bindi was in its rightful place. Jet black hair parted in a vein-like line to eventually find itself tied in a bun; clenched with a garland of the most fragrant of jasmine flowers. Her dusky yet glistening skin complemented by an almost perfect complexion. If we had been rich enough to afford some jewellery she would have looked exactly like the small picture of Goddess Durga she so dearly worshipped. As Aai tinkered with her saree, a holler from outside the main compound had the power to distract her even from herself.

"तशी सांज आमुच्या दारी येउन थबकली होती

शब्दात अर्थ उगवावा,अर्थातून शब्द वगळता "

(An evening of such magnitude found itself at our doorstep,
Where words found meaning, without the meaning needing words)

The shout had come from a man standing outside the gate. He seemed like any other person from the village. Dark and dressed in all white, he sported an unkempt moustache. I was rather intrigued as to why anyone would go anywhere in this rain. My mother noticed me watching from the window and ordered me to go and sit somewhere else. She hurried towards the gate not worrying about the drizzle one bit. Albeit reluctantly, I moved from my theatre seat since it was getting dark anyway as the orangish pink light was now a full shade of purple. Knowing that Aai was preoccupied with something which seemed like an emergency, I took her daily onus of lighting the oil lamps upon myself.

I had just placed a lantern on the stool in Bapu's room and was just about to hook one near my 'theatre'... As quickly as she had gone out the door, Aai walked back in briskly and straight into the room where Bapu rested. I had managed to avoid the quick glance over her shoulder before she bent to make some space on the disarranged stool. Amidst the clutter of our radio, (which constantly provided our house with either background music or simply white noise) bottles and tablets of medicine, ill-written prescriptions, an old brazen water goblet and glass... Aai managed to place some money which she did not possess before she had hurriedly left the house just moments ago. 

"It's a pleasant drizzle even tonight. Looks like I will be late to return again... I'm taking the umbrella with me, don't worry.", she informed Bapu whilst giving him a small peck on his forehead. 

The only reply my poor incapacitated Bapu could muster was a sad whimper of approval. The metal bed creaked slightly, most probably due to the added burden of sadness on his paralyzed body. Aai silently picked up the umbrella and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Make sure you eat on time. Everything is prepared and kept by the stove. Bapu's medicines are kept on the stool, one of each after dinner and the syrup before you go to sleep. Don't stay up too late, you have school tomorrow. I will see you in the afternoon for lunch." she recited her daily instructive lines to me.

I, too, gave my usual nod knowing very well that although Bapu was not fussy, he needed to be taken care of. Usually, Aai seemed very relaxed but that night, that night she seemed to be in an unnatural rush to leave. I guess the man outside had informed Aai of an emergency at the village hospital. It was tough for my juvenile self to fathom the true severity of working as a night-time nurse. Bapu's unfortunate accident, fortunately, did have a silver lining. Due to her tenacity the village folk  accepted Aai's credentials as a nurse having witnessed how she had nursed Bapu back to health from the clutches of death.

Aai spread her arms for a nice warm hug. No patient's illness could have stopped her from taking out a second to cuddle her only son and neither would have her only son let any patient's illness stop him from her loving cuddle.

"The jasmine is especially fragrant tonight, Aai!", I exclaimed.

She took one flower out from the garland and placed it over my ear.

"Keep this by the pillow when you go to sleep tonight, it will feel like I'm sleeping right beside."

Her eyes suddenly saddened and she seemed reluctant to leave but quickly gathered herself and left the house, closing the door behind her.

"अंगणात गमले मजला संपले बालपण माझे

खिडकीवर धुरकट तेव्हा कंदील एकटा होता"

(It suddenly dawned upon me and there my childhood ended;
The lamp stood alone, as its smoke trickled on the window) 

The lovely aroma of jasmine left the house behind her. Almost like every night, the four walls sheathed  the white noise from Bapu's radio, Bapu and myself. As I heard the gate close, I got up to prepare Bapu's plate for dinner when Aai's umbrella caught my eye. Although the rain had stopped, the slight drizzle prompted my thought to make sure she took it with her. As quickly as I could, I wore my slippers and trudged steadily to avoid slipping in the wet, red soil. The sole of my slipper overwrote the marks Aai's slippers had set just a few moments ago, quite to my amusement. All my amusement quickly turned to dejection as I set foot outside the main gate.

How I wish she had never forgotten that damned umbrella...

The shade of purple sky was now a jet black. The sole streetlamp was cruel enough to reveal stark details in its dim, yellow light amidst slight distortions created by the falling water. Aai was under the same umbrella as the man who had come hollering just a while back. His arm grasped her waist like she belonged to him while his neck protruded to inhale all the essence the garland of jasmine could offer. I could see the hair on his moustache scrubbing the soft and smooth cheeks of Aai as they slowly disappeared into the darkness.

It felt like someone was slowly carving that vision in my memory with a sharp blade. My heart was unsure of itself, whether to keep pumping blood or just stop and let my stiffened body drop dead there and then. My brain played a game of questions and answers with itself. I began to consider that ill-fated day as my birthday ever since... It was the day I really grew older. I just stood there in the yard while everything slowly made sense.

 Aai, a cheat? 
But she takes such good care of Bapu. I'm sure she loves him.

If she loves Bapu why does she take so much effort to get ready every night? I don't think the patients care how their nurse looks. I'm sure she is cheating on him.

But... If she's cheating on Bapu with this man, why did he give her money? Why did Aai place that same money beside Bapu?! I'm sure she is not that heartless.

Wait a minute... An illiterate yet beautiful woman with a helpless husband and a fourteen year old boy to take care of. A random man pays her money and takes her away till the morning. Is that why she is gone every night?

Aai did not leave every night to feed debilitated patients but rather to feed the male ego. She did not take care of people suffering from diseases but rather men suffering from unsatisfied libidos. This realization struck me like lightning despite being in a harmless drizzle. The oil lamp placed in my 'theatre' now watched me as I stood alone in the rain. I bet even he wanted to burst into flames just like I did at that point but all we could do was flicker in isolation.

"हे रक्त वाढताना ही मज आता गहिवर नाही

वस्त्रात द्रौपदिच्याही तो क्रृष्ण नागडा होता"

(I am not sad anymore, even as my blood boils

Despite donning Draupadi's clothes, Krishna still stands naked)

I walked back in through the gate, carrying more maturity than what I had when I walked out. I walked beside my own slipper marks, creating new ones, rather than steadily trudging over them. Entering the house, I promptly went to get dinner for Bapu. The white noise from the radio replaced the white noise in my head as I sat on the bed beside him with a flimsy plate in hand. Slowly, he ate from my hand like he did every night, but tonight even his paralyzed self realized that I now knew what he had known for a long time. The metal bed creaked as he made an effort to raise his hand to pacify me, to no avail. Once he was done with his dinner, I reached out to get his medicines from the stool when my eyes caught sight of the money Aai had placed earlier in the evening.

As disgusted I was to see that money, I also realized that the medicines Bapu was about to take, the food which kept him alive, the food which kept me alive, the education I received, the reason our house still stood was... Aai. For a woman deprived of education simply due to gender, it was a bold step to keep her husband alive and her family intact. Throughout the day she took care of us and our needs and now evidently, even throughout the night she took care of us. Instead of looking down on her as a sex worker, I started looking up to her not only as my mother but a woman of character and substance.

Today, ten years on, I can recite this account as a man of moderate success. Bapu, Aai and I have moved to the city where Bapu is receiving proper medical treatment in a government hospital. I also managed to gift him a radio that plays music throughout the day. Every single day as I come back home from my office, I make it a point to buy a garland of jasmine which Aai proudly wears on her whitened hair. She still places one over my ear. As for me, I have never told her that it was on this day, ten years ago, that my life changed. Aai has not yet understood why I blow a candle and cut an umbrella shaped cake holding her hand, on this day. Every night, I make sure I tuck her in bed, safe and exactly where she deserves to be with a garland of jasmine by the bedside...